Top 10 Keys to Relationships

Relationships are HARD and don’t let anyone tell you anything different! Dating someone is truly a full-time job + requires your commitment each and every day, but don’t get me wrong it can be so rewarding if done correctly. Since we’ve had this time of reflection during quarantine, David and I have been able to recap what we feel are our Top 10 Keys to Relationships. We have explored how we have been able to make it work over the years and wanted to give some advice to you guys.

WARNING: Please be aware that we not saying we are relationships experts by any means and we do not condone any toxic or violent relationships (verbal and nonverbal). So if you feel like you are in a relationship that fits that description you desire better sis/bro! Know your worth first and foremost before even reading the rest of this. A relationship isn’t going to work if you don’t have you together first, but that’s for another post for another day.

But back to our regularly scheduled program. Like I said we wanted to share our lessons learned and our testimony to help other couples/relationships push through. So let’s get into our Top 10 Keys to Relationships:

1. God – Not sure about your spiritual/religious beliefs, but our lives are governed by Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ – which obviously includes our relationship. We have both worked so hard to maintain a daily relationship with God because it greatly impacts the totality of our relationship. It is also a good way to keep us level headed and grounded. We all know it can be so easy sometimes to lose yourself just because you’re in a romantic relationship and don’t act like y’all don’t know what we’re talking about. We’ve all had that one friend (or even been that friend) that switched up because they got a new boo! So in order for that not to happen we had to put our moral compass to the test and keep each other accountable in Christ. Something that we noticed that has helped us grow closer over time in Christ + each other, has been having study sessions straight from the Bible or even sermons we’ve heard. The Bible + church brings a sense of realness and reflection into our daily lives. Another thing that we have done to build a closer bond, has been to take turns praying each night before we go to sleep – it’s really the little things guys. Overall, allowing God to be in the middle of our relationship sets us up to have the most promising life together. We know for certain that not only will we not flourish without Him, but that everything you guys see in us is truly His glory. Besides, He is the one that created us, knows us, and put us together in the first place, so who better to have in our corner than Him.

2. Friendship – Having a best friend + significant other all wrapped in one is a HUGE plus! Being friends first allows you to build a solid foundation of trust. You always want to go and lean on your best friend when times are rough or better yet run to them when you get good news. A lot of couples run into the cycle of not wanting to tell their partner things because they fear it will make them upset or start an argument. If this is a common thing that you face please be aware that if your partner is truly your friend you will feel guilty keeping secrets from them. Friends don’t keep secrets and secrets shouldn’t even be in your vocabulary if you’re in a relationship. Looks will fade and happiness will come and go, but a solid friendship is a tough bond to break.

3. Communication/Listening – It ain’t a relationship without communication! Communication is the make or break of any relationship period. A relationship is only as strong as your connection which ultimately comes from your two-way communication. Let’s look at a computer for example. A computer needs both coding (a form of communication) and connection (WiFi = connectivity) in order to function properly – your relationship is the same way! In a generation of social media, sometimes we think God created men and women with the ability to be mind readers. You have to talk! Your partner needs to know about your wishes, dreams, expectations in the relationship, needs, desires, etc. In order to become an all-around better person to build a better relationship, you have to learn 4 things:

1. Learn how to communicate effectively, correctly, and early.
2. Don’t cut your partner off when they are speaking – a habit of this will cause them to shut down and not want to talk to you because they’ll feel like you aren’t listening.
3. Communication and listening go hand and hand, but listening and hearing are two completely different things.
4. Build a routine of just talking to each other with no distractions (this means NO phones). Hear about each others’ days, learn about something that has been bothering your partner this week, discover what has been challenging for them, etc.

4. Empathy/Understanding – The definition of empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. To know and experience empathy means that you have the ability to take on your partner’s emotions as if they were your own. Are you truly able to put yourself in the other person’s shoes? Are able to imagine how you would feel in that situation? Truly process in your mind the traumatic story from their past that they are pouring into you and process it. Processing their experience or trauma will help you practice being selfless which will teach you not only empathy and understanding but also compassion.

5. Trust – Learn from me and leave your trust issues at the door. Unpack the bag and don’t even bother bringing it into your new relationship. If your ex cheated, lied, or whatever else that has nothing to do with your new boo. Give your new relationship the fresh start it deserves and don’t punish them for something that they have no control over and better yet didn’t even do. A person can only lose your trust by their actions, not by your past experiences. Now don’t get us wrong, we’re not saying trust is something to play with. It can be easy to lose and hard to rebuild so don’t give your partner a reason to lose trust with you and in you. Pastor Mike Todd said it best in his Breakfast Klub interview – “Trust is lost in buckets and gained in drops.”

6. Respect – This one is a pretty simple point. You have to give respect to get it. It’s not a one-sided thing. Ultimately the biggest lesson we have learned together, as well as from other couples, is to make sure that you respect your partner in public and not just in private. Don’t switch up just because you are in front of your little friends. Treat your man or your girl with the same respect you would give them when it’s just the two of you and I promise you that will go a long way.

7. Honesty – Please don’t start your relationship on lies! It’s honestly too much work to lie (get it? lol). Typically most people lie because they are not being themselves so the 2nd biggest piece of advice we can give you is to just be you! Lying just causes headaches because it makes you have to keep up with the lies you told. Don’t worry about hurting someone’s feelings because I’m sure their feelings will be spared if you tell the truth rather than lying to them about the small stuff. One of our biggest things around this topic is that your partner is not going to know everything about your past. So because of this don’t feel like you are being dishonest if you don’t share everything with them. Now if your past is coming into your present, from experience, we would advise all of you to be honest about what happened to your partner so that they are not blindsided. Nothing is worse than someone outside of your relationship trying to tell you about your man or girl and its all fresh off the press news to you.

8. Privacy – Please don’t put all your business on social media! If you get into a disagreement keep it in the house, not in a tweet. Every relationship has their moments so when you’re going through a challenging season in yours both of you just need to put it on do not disturb. Take that time to make sure the two of you are good before you post false hope or drama out to the rest of the world because then you just allowing people to be in your business, private moments should be private, similar that intimacy which you should share only with your partner, this way you can have more fun, and you can even find toys for pleasure in this Lelo Sona 2 review online. Now we do suggest that you know who you can talk to outside of your relationship if you are the type of person that needs to vent, BUT make sure you go to your no man and not your yes man. Don’t go to that friend or family member that you know will get mad at your partner and hold a grudge 10 months down the line. Go to the people you know will be honest with you and want to see you happy + see your relationship blossom!

9. Vision – Do you know the vision for your relationship is? What do you want to come out of this? Where do you even see this going anyway or a future with this person? Does this relationship support and merge with your personal vision for your life? Is this relationship helping you grow and mature in ways you never knew how? Those are deep questions that you have to ask yourself and your spouse to make sure that the two of you are on the same page of the same book (you know what they say about when you assume). A clear way to get on the same page is to create a plan or write down your goals both together and individually. Writing your own relationship goals allows you to have no questions about what you want to get out of the relationship and writing down your individual goals allows for your partner to be able to support your vision. This exercise allows for you guys to be built-in accountability partners for each other so in other words use this to your advantage. Lastly, support your partner’s vision to the fullest because there will be a time when you will need their unwavering support for your own.

10. Work – Werk werk don’t stop! Just because you sweet-talked your Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Fiance/Fiancée, Husband/Wife into the relationship doesn’t mean the work stops there. A relationship is more than what IG makes it seem. It’s not just cute pictures and lovey-dovey caption – like I said before its work. You’re going to have to put in work and effort to see the relationship flourish. If you feel your connection slowly drifting away Google questions to ask each other so that you can learn more about each other and your upbringings, read relationship books together and have discussions on what you learned. See how each of you can implement the lessons learned into your relationship to make it better and this may even bring the spark back.

I hope you find our Keys to Relationship helpful! Comment down below your own keys and let’s share the knowledge not for just for couples who might benefit from products on sale at Spank The Monkey Shop, but also anyone that’s single and in a self-discovery phase. We want everyone to properly prepare themselves first before they find their happily ever after.