For weeks after our wedding day, I struggled and constantly beat myself up about all of the things I could have done differently. The perfectionist in me wasn’t made nor prepared for the inevitable drama and mishaps that occur on everyone’s wedding day. It truly took David and my Mom to help me realize that everything happens for a reason and the cards that laid on July 3rd, 2021 may have been the best outcome we could have gotten. With that being said I have several do’s and don’ts from all of my lessons learned over the course of our wedding planning journey, so let’s just jump right on in!
Bridal Do’s
- Marriage Counseling – This was an absolute must for David and I! Even though we were already moving forward with doing life together we felt like we still needed to equip ourselves with tools on how to navigate marriage. I know that most people fear doing marriage counseling because they’re afraid of the counselor telling them not to moving forward with their engagement, but this is new territory. It’s always good to get words of wisdom and a guide on how to handle the things that may come your way. I personally feel that if you have this fear of marriage counseling you should look into why. Are you secretly second guessing if you should even be with this person? If not, then why can’t you let a third party in to possibly help your relationship? The confident relationships will stand through anything including marriage counseling. Now, finding a counselor was challenging for us at first not only due to COVID, but for we could not find the course structure we personally wanted. Our besties, shoutout to The Greens, recommended their marriage counselor/officiant Stef and we loved it! We met with him every Tuesday for about an hour from January to April and learned so many life lessons that we can revisit due to the book (Preparing for Your Marriage linked here) that we used during our course.
- Over Communicate – This goes for everyone involved in your big day – vendors, family, bridal party, EVERYBODY! Personally it was very frustrating to repeat myself over and over again or to even get an email from a vendor that I did not give them the day of wedding info that they needed (when I literally found the email showing I did). I suggest that the week of your wedding to send follow up to everyone so you are not scrabbling the day of or the day before like I was. This will ensure that everyone has the time and details that are needed.
- Create an Itinerary/Invoice for Your Bridal Party – I created a quick and easy template on Canva for both our Bridesmaids and Groomsmen (linked template for each; left some of our info & logo that we used as reference). We gave our Bridal Party all of this info with their Bridal Proposal Gift in a folder, so that they knew what they were getting themselves info immediately! No secret costs or hidden fees with The Hooeys!
- Create a Secondary Guest List – Not all of your guests will be able to make to your wedding day and many of you may experience going over your projected number of guests. This isn’t an uncommon problem to have! It does become a difficult task of wanting to invite everyone that has been apart of you and your significant other’s life. What really helped David and I out was initially creating a excel spreadsheet with two tabs. The first tab was for the people we for sure we wanted to invite as far as family and closest friends along with their plus ones (if they were married or engaged only) and then the second tab was for anyone we wanted to come if we had space come up. This way when someone from Tab 1 RSVP’d no we were able to go ahead and reach out to someone on Tab 2. Once we finalized the Tab 1 portion of the spreadsheet, we then created a Google Forms to send to everyone to get addresses (be prepared for people to move and not tell you!) in order to send out save the dates and later wedding invitations.
- Find a Form of Organization That Works for You – I was not a wedding planning book/binder bride what so ever! I only used some aspects of the book my mom got me as far as making sure my checklist was in order (Wedding Planning Book linked here), but my mind works different I guess. I was more productive by just simply creating a checklist in my Notes App on my phone. This may not work for everyone, but if you know me I use my Notes App for everything so this is what helped me stay organized and take quick notes on anything I may think of in regards to the wedding. If you have a way to stay organized that works for you stick to it!
- Book a Honeymoon – To think that David and I almost didn’t take a honeymoon makes me sick! Granted in the moment we felt that we spent so much money in our new home as well as the wedding + didn’t know how things would pan out with COVID. Toward the end of May we finally decided to just book the honeymoon after such a stressful couple of months for a well deserved break. As soon as we stepped foot on the resort we were so we made the decision to have a honeymoon and we enjoyed every single day of our Hooeymoon! Blog post coming soon!
- Book Hair & Makeup – With day of jitters I don’t suggest for any bride to do their own hair and makeup. I realized this when I was the Maid of Honor for my cousin’s wedding and learned that she planned on saving money by doing her own makeup for her wedding day. Granted she does a great job doing make-up, but to eliminate something going wrong I suggested that she have a make up artist and that I would even pay for it as a wedding gift. She wasn’t completely sold until after her make-up was literally finished and she told me for days how she didn’t want to even take it off and was so glad she listened to me about booking a hairstylist and make-up artist! Always remember that anything and everything can go wrong and frustrate you the day of just because your emotions will be everywhere (even for a calm/serious person like me), so just add it to the budget sis! I even went as far as to schedule my make-up artist and hairstylist for all of my important events, such as my Bridal Shower, because I knew I would be taking photos and wanted everything to look perfect for my special days! I would even go as far as to suggest having the same make-up artist(s) for your bridal party as well. Since I choose a simple hairstyle (middle part with a low ponytail) for my girls I decided to let them handle their own hair (I know everyone can be sensitive about who touches their hair) and that I would incorporate wedding make-up into their budget. This way I could manage everyone’s looks and make sure they all looked on point and like a cohesive unit!
- Have a Day of Wedding Coordinator – This is pivotal to me! You want to be able to enjoy your day without worrying about your agenda/run of show for your wedding. You need someone there to keep you on time and your show on the road. For me my day of coordinator was my mom. I really wanted her to be able to enjoy my day as well, but so glad she was able to step in, call our DJ when were ready for the next dance/portion of our reception, remind us what’s next like cutting the cake, etc. Get someone you can trust to be your right hand for the day so that you can truly live in the moment.
Bridal Don’ts
- Stressing Over the Small Stuff – Please believe that someone or something will stress you out days or weeks before your wedding. You may say a few cuss words and cry a few tears, but always remember what is actually important here – your marriage not the wedding. You are about to marry the love of your life and be bonded to this person for life – not to the mishaps that will come along the way. Plenty of people had to call and tell me that there is no such thing as a perfect wedding and as much as my perfectionistic self didn’t want to listen to them. After having my own wedding I can let you know they were absolutely right. For any beautiful wedding you may see on IG, Pinterest or Twitter, I bet you a $100 they have a story about something going wrong on their “perfect” day. Remember that videos and pictures can be edited so its all an illusion. Things will happen but don’t stress because you’ll be able to laugh about it all later!
- Overloading Yourself – I know I’m not one to talk since managing a lot of things at once has become my speciality, but I will say that having a lot on your plate is not for the weak! Try to manage your time accordingly and push through the tiredness from all the long nights. Comment down below if you would like to see a separate post around tips on how I survived working full-time, planning a wedding, closing on a home, and moving all while being a full-time grad student (that had a 4.0 semester I might add)!
- Listening to Outside Opinions (follow your vision & do what makes you happy) – Do what is going to make YOU happy! You will definitely have comments/ideas coming from every angle, but don’t let it make you second guess your vision. Shoot, you would be surprised the things that came my way throughout our planning process! I heard everything from “Why do we have to wear black?! Are we going to a funeral?!” to even David saying he didn’t want to pay for a personalized dance floor, photobooth or getaway car (3 of our most talked about/asked things from our wedding). Regardless I did what I wanted and what my vision was and our wedding honestly came out to be everything I wanted and more!
- Wasting Your Money on Small Things – Now we all know that weddings can be EXPENSIVE to say the least! When trying to budget what you are going to spend the big bucks on see where you can cut down cost. One important area that I feel isn’t talked about enough in the wedding planning world is save the dates and invitations. For example, I personally wanted to live out my Pinterest dreams of having an acrylic decked out wedding invitation, but I could not fathom seeing myself spend over $1K on invitations that no one would look at again after July 3rd, 2021. Remember, not only do you have to buy the invitations, but you also have to buy envelopes and don’t even get me started on stamps (remember what I said about you will have people moving + address errors that can be on your part that come back in the mail so basically you’re going to need extra stamps on standby). As an alternative option, I checked out Minted for our Save the Dates (linked down below) and Invitations (customed made) and we received so many compliments on them! We absolutely loved working with Minted and they made this process so easy while also saving us hundreds of dollars that we could use towards other things for our wedding.
- Outsourcing Things You Could Do Yourself – I’m hear to tell you not to count yourself short sis! Make your wedding sign, stuff your own invites, plan your own wedding/do the research, be the stylist for your engagement pics & wedding day – basically do what you have to do to cut down cost and expenses. Things will start to add up quickly so don’t think you don’t have time to do something just make the time to do it. It will feel painful in the moment, but you will thank yourself later.
- Taking Control of Your Bridal Shower/Bachelorette – As I mentioned in my other Wedding Wednesday Posts (check out my Bridal Shower post & Bachelorette Party post coming this Wednesday), I gave my family and friends full control for these events. Traditionally, the Bride is not suppose to plan her own Bridal Shower and Bachelorette Party and after experiencing it all I see why. There is no need to stress yourself out even more by having to plan even more than what you already have to. Let go of the control girl and focus on planning your wedding! You can’t do it all so allow for your family and friends to shower you for once!
- Giving Your Bridal Party Their Accessories – I have trust issues and could not even think about someone forgetting their earrings, bracelets, lapels, bow ties, etc on the day of the wedding. I would suggest putting your earrings to pair with other jewelry in a special box as they comes in the mail so they are already packed up and ready to go for the big day. The morning of we literally grabbed the box and left and I didn’t have to worry about reminding everyone to bring their stuff besides the obviously dress and shoes.
- Making Your Bridal Party Spend a Fortune – I don’t believe in asking someone to be apart of your big day and then making them spend their whole lifesavings to be apart of it. Believe it or not my bridesmaids and groomsmen did not spend over $300 to be apart of the actual wedding. Now Bachelor/Bachelorette Party activities were not included and neither of us took any trips with our wedding party, but we researched and saw where costs could be cut down and everyone could be happy. I found my girls dresses (linked below with some other gorgeous options) from David’s Bridal on sale for $80 and David found his guys’ black tux from Suit Mart where they could actually own it instead of renting. These decisions made sense to everyone involved so there was never any push back. I also cut cost for the girls since hair was not included in their budget, by allowing them to wear any form of clear heels that they wanted. I knew their dresses were long and that no one would see their feet so why not be comfortable plus all my girls already owned a pair so this was no extra cost for majority of them.
Hope these Do’s & Don’ts help you avoid any wedding chaos that may come your way! Feel free to reach out to me on IG (@kaylashaehooey) or comment down below for any other wedding tips and tricks!
