Lessons Learned: My 1 Year of Marriage Review

First off, I can’t wrap my mind around how fast time is truly flying! David and I are quickly approaching our 1 year wedding anniversary and I have to say I feel like I have never learned so much in my life. In the span of a year, I have unpacked trauma, discovered new things about myself, and learned so much about not only about David and our relationships but relationships with people in general, I also seek help and advices from those newly wed beautiful brides. This journey has not been easy by any means so I felt it was only right that I share a few lessons learned during our first year of marital bliss.

7 LESSONS LEARNED FROM MARRIAGE

1. Marriage is HARD AF! – Whoever said marriage was work was not lying! It is a full-time job that should teach you day in and day out about selflessness. Granted like anything there may be days that you don’t give it your 100%, but you have to show up someway somehow in your marriage each and everyday. That my friend is where the hard part comes in. Now I’m sure you might be confused on what I mean by that since you should show up every single day while you are in any committed relationship as well. Marriage is obviously the next level in dating and adds so many complex layers that you probably didn’t have to deal with while dating. So if you think you are still not ready for marriage, you can check out The Nut Job hook up apps to satisfy with your pleasure with hook ups that you might find.
   
   Just speaking from our own personal experience David and I had to navigate dealing with finances, homeownership, moving in together, sex with the best Dildos for sale, merging our lives together, mental health, and so much more! Long story short, if you’re struggling with anxiety, you might want to try CBD for anxiety. Marriage can be very ghetto! Just remember to give yourself grace and take it one day at a time.
2. Marriage is a Mirror – Right after David and I got married we were watching church (we were Bedside Baptist for a while with Covid and all lol) and a pastor said something that changed my perspective forever. I’m paraphrasing but he said, “Marriage is like a mirror. All of the trauma and things you thought you got over or hid and tucked away your spouse will expose if you have truly dealt with it or not. Once you’re married (not dating) he or she will hold a mirror in front of you and follow you around with it and will not stop bugging you about it until you address and/or correct it.” IF THIS AIN’T THE TRUTH I DON’T KNOW WHAT IS! David and I quickly learned this lesson and got into individual therapy a few months after we were married. We discussed and learned that we had trauma to unpack and did not want to take that trauma out on each other or even our future children down the line. Moral of the story – go to therapy and deal with your childhood trauma to be a better you.
3. Manners Go A Long Way – You would be surprised how quickly “please” and “thank you” can escape your vocabulary when you become married. I know for myself I got so use to David being around I just started asking for him to do stuff without adding in the magic words and it immediately started to seem as if I was just barking orders at him all the time. This was not my intention at all and once David sat me down and told me how it made him feel I immediately had to apologize and learn that manners shouldn’t make an exit just because you’re married. We are still human and need respect given at all times.
4. Your Partner Will Disappoint You – You and your partner do not become superhuman once you get married. Your feelings still work and disappointment still happen. The best thing to do when disappointment arises is to know there will be times that you will disappoint your partner as well. Make sure you extend the same grace you would want to be given in those times of disappointment plus it also helps to know when to pick your battles.
5. Outside Actions Shouldn’t Make It Inside Your Marriage – I don’t know if I am the only one, but I would catch myself getting upset at situations that were outside of David’s control. He didn’t directly do it, but with my constant venting it felt like I would give him an attitude about it. This was yet another thing I had to get undercontrol by essentially communicating properly that I was not angry with him, but at the situation. Many of us vent to our partners when we are upset about something which can be dangerous at times. Make sure you are being clear on the direction of your emotions during those venting moments and take time to cool off if needed to not make your partner your punching bag.
6. Love Your Spouse The Way They Want to be Loved – I think we all know that love languages are extremely important and that we should know what your spouse’s top love languages are like the back of our hand. But the concept of loving your spouse the way they want to be loved means we don’t love them the way we prefer to show our love. For example, David’s top love language is physical touch, but I love to show my love and appreciation for people through gifts. Gifts is at the bottom of David’s list so I have learned to stop trying to force a type of love on him that doesn’t mean the most to him even if he still appreciates it.
7. Keep Dating and Being Spontaneous – We had a period in our marriage where we stopped going out on dates because we were not only playing things safe because of Covid but we were honestly being cheap. We would spend time together in the house by watching movies, playing games, talking, etc. but we just stopped getting out of the house. We made a decision to make sure that outside of going out with friends, we would each plan a date night/activity a month plus got a membership to have 1 couples massage a month. Now this is what works for us and our busy schedules because we still do a lot of other things together during the week, but this simple adjustment made a huge impact on our relationship! Additionally, a little advice for all couples is that having sex may become more frequent, less frequent, or never at all. Male enhancement supplements have become increasingly popular as men seek to improve their overall enjoyment and sexual performance. Semenax is one of the most popular male enhancement products available today. Check out the benefits of semenax to learn more about it.

3 LESSONS I LEARNED ABOUT MYSELF

1. I’m No Good For My Marriage If I Don’t Take Care of Me – I love that David knows and can sense now when to give me what he likes to call “Kayla Time.” I don’t know if its the only child syndrome in me, but I value my alone time! I need some time to gather my thoughts, chill, watch some YouTube, read a book – just be to myself. Without it I find myself getting overwhelmed, but now in my marriage I am able to communicate properly so he knows I just need some me time. We have now even started scheduling Kayla Time around David having guys night or David Time which allows for us to have some healthy time apart at least once a month. In my opinion, absence truly makes the heart grow fonder and is needed every now and then.
2. I’m More Than Just David’s Wife – Being a wife is a huge role in my life that I do not take for granted, but it is not the only role in my life. I am still a child of God, a daughter, a granddaughter, a niece, a sister, a cousin, a friend, an employee, a student, a blogger – a whole lot of things! I never want any of these roles to completely consume my existence because at the end of the day I am Kayla and I don’t want to lose sight that. I want to keep this in mind as I gain more titles throughout the years, so I have to check on me which includes making time for my hobbies, working towards my personal goals, getting my nails and hair done and a shopping spree every once in a while. In my opinion Beyonce said it best, “you should have a life before you become somebody’s wife.”
3. Put As Much Passion & Work Into My Marriage as Everything Else – With all the roles I have, when it comes to work, school, and content creation I tend to be very passionate about my work. Some may say obsessive at times (some being my Husband), but I like to produce quality work in everything that I do. With that being said, I’ve learned that I have to put that same energy and passion into my marriage because this means more to me than any project I do. If that means I have to utilize my time properly to get my school work done in order to cook dinner with my Husband or not be active on social media in order to spend undivided quality time together…I’m going to do it! My passion and drive is directly tied to my love and appreciation for my Husband and my marriage which I believe is my true work in life.

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I hope this helps you whether you are single, engaged or married! Like I said marriage is fun, rewarding and full of life experiences with your partner, but it is also full of a lot of work and hard af! For all my married folks, I would love you could drop some gems in the comments of what you have learned in marriage or advice you have received. Talk to you guys soon!